Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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