Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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