PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
