can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
