And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I am midnight drunk by noon
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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