Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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