ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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