If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
my poor anus
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
