He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
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he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
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not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize