no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
