i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Mom said you looked used
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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