You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
