She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
