It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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