I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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