Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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