alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
