I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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