i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
