Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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