is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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