I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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