I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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