someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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