peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
