that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
