Pants 0. Shit 1.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
