I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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