hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
