KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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