You just made me feel so damn special
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
