My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
