i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
