It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
