At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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