I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
