why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
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He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
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HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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