hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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