I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
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I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
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Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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