so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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