I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
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Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
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Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits