when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
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Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it