Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
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The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
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you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat