I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.