i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.