I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."