Pants 0. Shit 1.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT