Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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