Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
