go do what you do best...puke behind churches
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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