apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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