kristin has been a bad kristin
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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