Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize