Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
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Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
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you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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