okay pat passed out under dana's car
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
