all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
