got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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