I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
As shirtless as possible
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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