i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
