so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
