im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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