I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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