afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
