it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
