He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
