the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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