I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
