So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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