I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
