My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
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I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
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May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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