I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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